Why "Mariners Apartment Complex" is the Soundtrack to my life
a plea to Lana to please release Lasso ASAP
26/06/24
Why "Mariners Apartment Complex" is the Soundtrack to My Life
For my yearbook, I quoted the sweet words of my mother, Lana Del Rey: "Catch a wave and take in the sweetness." I picked this lyric—like a ripe apple from a budding tree—because it simply felt triumphant. The idea of being able to take in sweetness after years of adolescence, which had often left a sour, bitter taste in my mouth, was exactly the prize I wanted. These words felt like the deep, renourishing breaths after a marathon or the… To be honest, I am at a loss for comparisons to make to winning, as for most of my life I have felt like a loser, always in second place. I believe I have never even been running the same race as everybody else. While my friends and others were sprinting one foot after the other, I think I must’ve been up in the clouds, flying in some alternate dimension.
However, Lana Del Rey transforms this miserable woe I felt from not being a runner in this race into a triumphant unity. I am a winner because I am one of the few given the ribbon-adorned key to open the door to a sisterhood—a community of girls who, to the average naked eye, are esoteric and hiding in the shadows. However, once one has this key, these fellow cult followers of Lana Del Rey stand blaringly clear. They look you straight in the eye, and in this moment, we realize this is what makes us girls. There is a mutual understanding. I see you. I see your ribbon-tied hair, your American dreaming, your scuffed cowboy boots, and your chipped red nail polish, and I know we are birds of the same feather. Maybe just like me, your feet were levitating off the hot ground instead of running the race. This is what Lana Del Rey gives me, a sense of unity, and for that, I am grateful.
Although I may feel like the word "girlhood" has been passed from mouth to mouth so frequently that it has become warped and distorted to the point of no meaning, this word is exactly what Lana Del Rey captures and packages in her arrangement of symphonies. She is a mother to us all. From her words and lullabies, our girlhood has blossomed.
The first Lana Del Rey song I ever heard was "Young and Beautiful" at the daisy-fresh age of 11. A group of older girls in cherry red dresses had performed a dance to this life-changing ballad at my school dance recital. I was left in awe at both the haunting qualities of the sequence of leaps and dips performed and the sultry voice of Lana Del Rey. On the way home, my parents played this song on repeat. This is what planted the seed of my love for the sparkle jump rope queen that would blossom into violets (instead of roses). I have an affinity for telling this story because it just feels so fitting. The beauty of this song was amplified by my admiration for the sheer talent I witnessed. Therefore, through Lana’s melody, me and those cherry red girls were united. Isn’t this what Lana is all about, bringing girls together through a shared postulation? I wonder if these dancers knew the sheer significance of their performance. (I also find it funny how this song was made for "The Great Gatsby," who has also become a figure of significance in my life. Everything I love seems to be intertwined.)
At 13, I was the Lana Del Rey fan. I wore red heart-shaped sunglasses and used #coquette on all socials. My favourite song then was "Carmen," and if you’d asked me the song I would like to play at both my future wedding and funeral, I would’ve said loud and clear, "Carmen." I was boisterous and bleeding and probably the saddest I have ever been. But this song acted as a poultice for the growing pains of reaching adolescence. When listening to this song, I crowned myself the “Queen of Coney Island” who shined “like lightning.” Back then, I felt that everything that came near me was electrified and set on fire. But through Lana Del Rey, I knew I wasn’t alone. In fact, there was a storm of girls who felt like their worlds were on fire and that they were the first spark to light the fire. I don’t remember much from this point in time, but what I do remember are Lana’s words, which are tattooed into my mind. Her words and comfort are an heirloom, which as the oldest daughter, I have now passed on to all three of my sisters. Sometimes, together, we whisper her songs in a quiet hush, so quiet that only we can hear. In that little while that we recite the lyrics of “How to Disappear,” we have our own secret language—a Morse code just for us, which acts as a bonding force that ties us together. We meet in the training yard of Lana’s discography and plait braids in each other’s hair. She reminds us that we are girls, and that we are each other’s.
In this very moment at 17 years of age, my favourite song is "Mariners Apartment Complex." I have Lana’s "Honeymoon" cover framed on my wall and that same pair of heart-shaped sunglasses laying on my nightstand next to a well-loved copy of "Violets Bent Backwards Over the Grass." I am a “self-loathing poet.” However, at the age of 14, I shed the skin of self-loathing the 13-year-old me once wore. I only use the alias “self-loathing poet” because it reminds me of the girl I once was. This is one of the multitude of reasons I clutch Lana Del Rey so close to my heart. She has known me through all the stages of girlhood, and I feel as if it is my duty to keep her updated. (Umm, this is low-key parasocial af.) As detailed in the lyrics of "Mariners Apartment Complex," I am still “lightning,” but I am happier. I am a “big-time believer” in everything, especially my future. I am tethered to this song because, as a dreamer, it understands me. It understands how I am already in love with my future life and have the names of my children lined up in alphabetical order. But the true, raw reason I love this song is because it reminds me of words spoken to me years ago by a dear friend. She told me in her sincere tone that “the happiest people are really the saddest,” and as a “happy-go-lucky” girl, this struck me in the center of my heart, right next to where I was clutching the words of Lana Del Rey. In "Mariners Apartment Complex," Grant talks of ”the darkness, the deepness” being a part of “all the things that make me who I am.” I didn’t know that others could just maybe perceive my darkness and deepness in the concealing cloud of my happy-go-lucky shimmer, and I didn’t know that this darkness and deepness didn’t have to be shed like snakeskin. So, this is why I love "Norman Fucking Rockwell." It is the perfect assortment of the girl I was, the girl I am, and the girl I will be. It represents the holistic girl that I am. Thus, not only does Lana Del Rey unite us all, she unites the fragments of yourself you thought were irreparable. Every day her words remind me that the fine China of my girlhood has never looked as beautiful as it does now. And although you can see the glue holding the pieces together, in this light the hand-painted flowers have grown over the cracks, and it is beautiful.
(Soooo, I don’t really like this blog that much, but as Lana’s birthday was recent, I felt like showing some appreciation to a woman who continues to inspire me every day.)
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Lots of love,
God’s Beloved